Today I sit here with so much ahead of me. I think about my children and how they are growing. They seem to be advancing faster than I can keep up. I do constantly tell them that I plan on putting a brick on their head to keep them from growing.
I think about my “new” life with a man that has welcomed myself and my children into his life with open arms. Now as a widow you have a little baggage that comes along with that. So the mere fact that I got a second look from him after knowing this was a win for me. My life with him seems different that that of my late husbands. I was not sure how I could love anyone as much as my late husband, but it is possible. To have two men in my life that love and loved me for who I am is quite a blessing.
I am a different person now than I was before though. I sometimes wonder if my late husband would recognize me and we would still be the same as I am not. I also think about how strong and confident my fiancé is. How he accepts the facts of my late husband and I. How he lets me grieve when I need to holding me tighter with each tear. How I must have done something right in my life to have this now, after I thought for so long that I would never have another deep love again.
So today, I sit here, blessed with my life, children, future husband and all of my family (which does include many sets of in laws…lol).
We can fear many things, but the definition is always the same. Fear can hold us back from doing things that could be important or it will create anxiety that pushes us down a path that is not where we want to go. I recently read an article about a woman who feared flying and how she overcame that fear.
Fear seems to be one of the hardest things to overcome. I think that anyone that has ever lost a loved one knows the fear that comes after the loss. The fear that keeps you from getting out of bed, leaving the house or even looking at yourself in the mirror. It’s the overall fear to face your life without your loved one.
Fear is something we all need to push through to move forward in our lives. In the article the woman made a statement that resonated with me. She said she was so worried about the what ifs that she forgot about the what if. So instead of… what if I told him not to go to work or what if I would have done more good in my life? You can ask… what if I were to smile again? What if I find love? What if I become content with my life?
I think she makes a valuable point. It’s about training ourselves and the way we can perceive our future. Fear is a strong emotion, but it is also something that you can overcome.
“There is a time to take counsel of your fears, and there is a time to never listen to any fear.” ~George S. Patton