Interment

cemeteryRecently I have been thinking about interring my late husband.  He was cremated when he died and has remained in his urn in my bedroom.  There is some conflict with this as it is a final goodbye to him.

I have come to believe that a person needs to be interred.  All may not share this belief, but it is one I do now.  Before my husband’s death, I never gave much thought to it.  I have been to several funerals…mostly of my grandparents.  I have seen both an urn and a casket being buried.  For some reason, seeing a casket being lowered into the ground felt more emotional than an urn.  Maybe it has something to do with my subconscious.

I really have no idea how I will feel once Mike is laid to rest.  I wonder if the fact that he was cremating and seeing the urn will have any less impact than if it were his casket.   All I can say is that I recently have had a lot of anxiety about this.  It also came with some emotions that I was not prepared for.

People say that time makes things easier and I am not sure if that is completely true.  I think it does make some things easier (a.k.a you can control your emotions a little better).   I just do not think I will be able to prepare myself for this, just as I was unable to prepare myself for his death.

Thinking about this has also created a desire to plan my own funeral and make all the decisions that come with it.  I know I am young, but so was my husband when he died.  I am one week away from being one year older than my late husband at his death.

It’s remarkable how events continue to change your perspective and continue to center you to allow you to question what needs questioned, speak freely and hug what’s important to you most.

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4 thoughts on “Interment

  1. What do you think your body is trying to tell you with those feelings of anxiety? Maybe it’s not time yet. Maybe it’s something else entirely. I bet that’s worth exploring.

    I love your idea of taking what you’ve learned and turning that into a plan for your own service. Those who love you won’t have to wonder about your wishes and since you have come to believe interment is important you have an opportunity to be clear about that.

  2. You can always save some ashes for yourself, have a part of him with you forever if you want. I use to think it was weird, but they make bracelets, necklaces, etc. that you can put a small amount of ashes in or even a small urn. Some are pretty cool and most people would never know, just by glancing. Something to think about.

    When my grandma died in a car accident many years ago, my mom was about the same age we are now. After that traumatic experience for her, she prearranged her own funeral. Her wishes are laid out and everything is paid for. However, I don’t agree with her choice of funeral home and she knows that. The prearrangements are transferable, may end up with extra charges but it is all about being as comfortable as you can with the experience.

    Miss you tons! Sending a big hug your way!

  3. Your post reminds me of recent thoughts I’ve had regarding rituals and memorials. I’d not given much thought to them either, even though Bruce did have a funeral and burial which were very valuable to me. I’ve been thinking lately tho, that life is so sacred. We’re more than animals. And when one of us dies, it’s good to take note and regard the passing with an act of meaning and memorial for those who remain. It’s true you won’t be able to fully anticipate your reaction to the interrment, but if you take your time and find others who will recognize how important this is, you won’t be wondering years from now if you should have done it.

  4. I love what you wrote. It’s very fresh and heart-felt. I have a feeling you will find your way through the grief of losing your husband, in unexpected ways. Please see my blog, if you care to, about losing my son. Take care, Carol

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