Recently I have been thinking about interring my late husband. He was cremated when he died and has remained in his urn in my bedroom. There is some conflict with this as it is a final goodbye to him.
I have come to believe that a person needs to be interred. All may not share this belief, but it is one I do now. Before my husband’s death, I never gave much thought to it. I have been to several funerals…mostly of my grandparents. I have seen both an urn and a casket being buried. For some reason, seeing a casket being lowered into the ground felt more emotional than an urn. Maybe it has something to do with my subconscious.
I really have no idea how I will feel once Mike is laid to rest. I wonder if the fact that he was cremating and seeing the urn will have any less impact than if it were his casket. All I can say is that I recently have had a lot of anxiety about this. It also came with some emotions that I was not prepared for.
People say that time makes things easier and I am not sure if that is completely true. I think it does make some things easier (a.k.a you can control your emotions a little better). I just do not think I will be able to prepare myself for this, just as I was unable to prepare myself for his death.
Thinking about this has also created a desire to plan my own funeral and make all the decisions that come with it. I know I am young, but so was my husband when he died. I am one week away from being one year older than my late husband at his death.
It’s remarkable how events continue to change your perspective and continue to center you to allow you to question what needs questioned, speak freely and hug what’s important to you most.