Crazy courage is doing what is right for me, doing what I have to when I was in an emotional state that can become self-defeating, when I lost the passion for life itself. Courage is when I stand up and brush the dirt off and face all the difficulty, uncertainty, and pain by overcoming the fear that has overtaken my rational mind. When I add the crazy to the courage I am adding an intense enthusiasm that will show others that I have a mission to complete, even if that mission is to get out of bed.
It is when I ignore the voice that is telling me, you are not able to do it. It is not letting those fears and the pain control me anymore. It gives me the strength to surpass all of the weaknesses I may be feel. The state of vulnerability I may feel scares me, but when I learned how to eliminate that and replace it with courage I have control again.
Crazy courage is what it took to become myself again or some form of myself. It allows change to happen. It’s the courage to push past your pride, ask for help and accept the support people want to give you. Crazy courage allows me to tell myself the truth. I would lie to myself about my own reality and at times I would believe those lies. I cannot close my eyes in hopes that my truths will go away.
I listen to that crazy courage voice inside of me, the one that is telling me you can do it and ignore the voice that sometimes tells me I can’t. I take some deep breaths, count to ten, close my eyes and listen to what my body and mind are saying. At times, the crazy courage inside of me was soft whispers that hard for me to hear, but if I sit long enough and I will hear them.
When I hear and feel the crazy courage, I pull it out and bring it to the surface. I might wear it like a mask if I need to so I can get passed the first 30 seconds. I got to a point when I no longer have to listen to the whispers and it is on the surface so I can face what scares me.
I say give it 30 seconds of crazy courage and you will be surprised by what you are able to accomplish. It takes a lot of crazy courage to face those things you don’t want to do, but you have to do them anyway.
This level of courage is obtainable by anyone and I used it. It’s the courage that I used to get out of bed and face the world again. It was the strength that I found inside of myself to do what was necessary to survive and to continue to be a mother to my children after my husband was killed.
There are still times when I feel something inside of me saying, I do not believe you are strong enough. But I am strong. I just have to continue to believe in love…for life and for myself. And use my own crazy courage.