When I lost my husband, I was angry at everyone. That included God. I thought to myself, how can someone that wants good to prevail over evil make a bad choice. He took my husband from me. I had people say to me that Mike is in a better place now. This infuriated me even more. I felt he belonged with me and his children.
One day I was speaking to the Chaplain about my anger towards God. With his one comment, he changed what I had believed and helped me understand faith a little bit more. He said, “God is not about good prevailing over evil. All God wants is to have a relationship with you.”
In all the church services and Bible studies that I had gone to I cannot remember once someone saying something that made so much sense to me. Suddenly a light bulb went off in my head and I gained a clearer perspective.
Before Mike’s death I had not thought much about faith or my relationship with God, except reading the Bible in its entirety when I was 14. I prayed many nights, but was not avid about going to church. I felt like I could never find the right church for me.
Faith has been a constant struggle. I am continuing to search and understand the meaning of faith. Now, when I talk to my children about their father they believe that Daddy is in heaven and watches over us. Yet, I have never taken either one of them to church.
What I can say about faith is that I do believe in a higher power and have certain morals that I uphold. I may struggle my whole life with faith and searching for complete understanding of what it means in my life. But that’s part of the relationship I am trying to build.
As Mother Teresa said “Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”