It is about how I found my crazy courage as I faced the unexpected, unfamiliar life after my husband’s untimely death. He was killed at the age of 32 by a drunk driver in the line of duty. I was faced with a decision…do I hide under the covers or do I face my new life as a widow. Through my journey I learned many valuable life lessons that I wanted to share with the world. With intimate details and anecdotal stories I hope to encourage others to use their own crazy courage!
I wrote the book in the most simple form I could. I remember trying to read and comprehend things when I was going through my tribulations. It was very difficult to understand or remember anything, unless it was in given to me in a direct manner. I thought about this as I was putting Crazy Courage together when I as working with the publisher.
I have been asked by a few people why I wrote the book and I want to share this with you…
Writing Crazy Courage was something I wanted to do to help others. I read quite a few books about grief and losing someone close to you. Some of them were helpful; but I never found one that was written in the present as someone was feeling those emotions.
After losing my husband I wanted to connect with something and not feel so isolated. I had my family and friends that supported me. There were a lot of organizations and other widows that reached out to me, which was such a blessing! Yet there are some things I dealt with privately or even didn’t feel comfortable sharing with others. The fear of being judged and the state of vulnerability I felt was scary.
I was very honest in my book. I shared my internal thoughts and feelings. The book is about lessons I learned in my “first year”, first year being relative. Mixed with these lessons are my journal entries and thoughts. This was hard for me to do, but I feel being authentic is how we can connect with others.
I know each person and situation is unique. I will be happy if a widow/widower picks up my book and even one sentence in it makes them feel encouraged, inspired, or not alone.
As I was writing Crazy Courage, it helped me get through some of my own challenges.
I also wrote the book with intentions to help people gain some insight on what someone’s mind might be going through after they lose a loved one. It’s hard for those that are trying to help or provide support to families and widows/widowers. By reading my book, I hope it provides them with some understanding or insight they need.
In general, people do not discuss mortality. Mortality is sad, awkward and unknown (amongst other things) territory and it can be a scary topic. I do not believe anyone knows the exact right thing to say, but I bet a widow/widower can tell you what they do not want to hear.
I have received so much help and support in my new unfamiliar life that I wanted to give back somehow. I believe I have begun doing this through my book.